Crit/Remake Open Thread
As some of you may already know, I’m planning a remake of the earlier chapters. I have a rough idea as to what to do, but I’m sure some of you have questions or even suggestions about what may or may not be clear in the storyline. A lot of streamlining is to take place and I’d like to know what it is that you’d like to have explained better or if things remain unclear that really shouldn’t at this point in the storyline. Again, everyone is encouraged to register and post comments. I’m not doing this on the shoutbox as you can’t really use it as a point of reference and detailed responses are impractical on that thing. Also, anyone wanting tidbits on the remake can probably get some hints out of me if I’m indulged. (e.g. RG’s debut will be different…) 
December 10th, 2008 at 5:25 PM
Most importantly, how humans view demons, maybe a little more on Jacks specific abilities. How strong is he? Could he lift a car?
December 10th, 2008 at 5:34 PM
Yup, the “demons in disquise” aspect is to be addressed in detail in a particular scene in the Chapter 1 remake. I’m expanding both chapters 1 and 2 to 50 page each. As to Jack’s strength, he can lift a car or anything up to 10 tons. His particular race is much hardier and more capable than normal folk. That’s to be addressed in the new chapter 4 with RG, who, like Jack, is also a nextie. He’s different though, in the sense that were he to require more strength to do something, he’s able to tap into in “faith” power, but at a huge cost to his physical integrity.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:52 PM
Really liked the early chapters, even when they jumped around to different secondary characters (like, where’s Hana now?) or the ethereal vagueness of Jack’s visits to Lost Heaven (which always left way more questions than answers), so please be careful with the streamlining – you had a lot of good ideas in there that should not risk getting lost.
Minor question: the reason for RG’s change in behavior at the very end of Ch. 4 isn’t very clear – what’s her agenda after her encounter with Jack?
If you publish to paper again, largerpages would be more than worth it – a lot of the fine artwork is hard to see on the 5×7″ format.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:50 PM
I think the Hana subplot should’ve been wrapped up the first chapter and not have turned out to be the larger plot point it became in Chapter 4. One of the things about storytelling is that in many cases you have to measure things out and in some cases, sacrifice one plot point to allow another to breathe. Hana was only useful to the general storyline up until the end of Chapter 1.
Re: RG. I think the main issue at the end of Chapter 4 which I think I failed to push properly was how bored she was with everything. She strongarmed the military guy effortlessly, spent her time handling patrol duties again effortlessly, and expected to win as usual and go home. Jack knocked her out of that complacency so she’s found her Moby Dick to chase around. (mind outta the gutter!)
RG’s reintroduction will be fun. Instead of starting with a bang, you’ll be lulled into complacency along with her, then go for the rollercoaster ride.
December 11th, 2008 at 6:24 AM
Don’t change it too radically, mate. I know you’ll come up with something worthwhile with the new stuff, but you run the risk of ruining the atmosphere you had set up earlier. It’s been so many years since you started, I doubt you could really recover that feeling you began the comic with.
December 11th, 2008 at 11:43 AM
Well, I’m keeping the atmosphere, but approaching it in a more intelligent fashion. You have to keep in mind that I did ETD fresh out of dropping out of college and I made all sorts of amateurish mistakes in the presentation. There are some things that are best left abandoned and things that weren’t pursued originally worth exploring e.g. a fuller understanding of exactly what Jack is and the world around him.
December 11th, 2008 at 11:24 PM
suggestion: do NOT freaking kill yourself. From what I’ve seen from success stories, wither updates slow down while the project is on, or books stop being set up for a time period. Time for a full comic schedule PLUS remaking early work PLUS setting up books is rarely there, and since authors tend to just want to get the side-project done, if they aren’t willing to sacrifice re-make speed or book speed, the main comic tends to dribble to a halt. Either go into this knowing full well that you’ll go from 2 updates a week to 1 per week and 1 re-make page, or cut time from book production to make time for making a 3rd page. Alternately, cut time from non-comic life, but real life tends to bite back with a vengance when you don’t pay it your dues.
December 11th, 2008 at 11:59 PM
sorry… still hung up on “seen one too many great comics go south from this kinda thing”
anyhow, it always seemed to me like the speech in the earlier chapters read as kinda… forced. After a bit, things settle into… how to say this… speech patterns that seem to fit the characters better? something akin to that. Anyhow, looking over the script on earlier chapters with a more experienced eye for who your characters are might pay off in spades.
December 12th, 2008 at 12:42 PM
I basically factored in most everything that you mentioned. The dialogue in the early chapters is something I paid too much attention to, sacrificing the natural for something painfully precise.
The characters themselves are a bit different in my mind as they eventually came to appear on the comic itself, with few exceptions. Jack’s pretty much the same, but he really shouldn’t have started out with his lunacy from the get-go. The back-and-forth timeline will be abandoned in the Chapter 1 remake. Aryel will be a bit more take-charge and buxom; the character itself was a bit lacking since at the time I drew her, I pictured her as a someone overly gentle but given how grave her responsibilities were, even someone like her would be much more assertive than she was.
All the supporting characters appearance-wise and character-wise, will go under very minor revisions, but I’ll write more on that later, along with the addressing the usual pitfalls of trying to update something that’s worked well despite its shortcomings.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:17 PM
I agree with mechabob on the slightly larger page sizes, we view the comic online and get to see the detail and hard work you put in – someone who’s paying for a book will want to see it too.
Will the remake stop at chapter 4?
December 17th, 2008 at 5:01 PM
Well, I’m looking at my bigass Akira books right now and I love them so I’m assuming that’s how large you’re talking about compared to the standard manga novel size. I’m not sure that size is possible with print-on-demand, but if it is, I’m most likely going to have to price it at $24.95 like my Akira books. I’m not sure how most people are gonna feel about that…hmm. I could set up a smaller-size, more affordable book and also offer the larger alternative as well…
Anything from now on referred to as the “remake” refers to anything this chapter and down. Next chapter and onwards is final. My reasons for this are a. mainly because next chapter is where the main story arc begins so anything before it can be played around with and b. it’s only recently that I’ve achieved “professional” status i.e. my art and storytelling is more solid and consistent and I’m beginning to achieve recognition as a professional by the conventions and my colleagues, and most importantly c. if ETD actually gets picked up by a publisher, it will likely undergo a rigorous editing process so I may as well do it myself the way I want and give the bastard editors less of an excuse to try to hatchet ETD up.